Ever since I was young, it has seemed to me that Satan tries to attack on Sunday mornings before church. We get irritable, irrational, and throw painful words at each other, only to be met with guilt that follows.
This morning was a great example. (It is also a great example of why I contemplate going back to an old flip phone to remove myself from what technology has done to us...but that is a whole other blog ;)) Ethan and I have been running lately. We both have an app on our phones that tracks our runs with all the details (time, distance, calories burned, etc). When we run, he 'tags' me so that all the results show up on my app and that way we both don't have to run with our phone.
Today, I was excited for that little notification to tell me I had been 'tagged' in our running app so I could see our results. I shouted out a reminder from the other room, "Don't forget to tag me in our app!" I heard him say, he would 'go back and tag' me...meaning he forgot. What!? How could you forget something soooo important! (Looking back, I realize how ridiculous my thoughts were in that moment of disappointment.) A few moments later, he informed me that the run was saved, and it wouldn't let him tag me. Nooooo! There is no proof I ran! If it isn't documented in my phone, my stats won't look better! Other smart remarks ran through my head. Should I tell him how he must think I'm unimportant? That I'm never going to trust him to keep track of my runs? That I'll run with my own phone next time?
But in that moment, a rush of the Holy Spirit came over me. To keep.my.mouth.shut. Do you know how hard it was? I speak my mind. I do not hold back. That is not me. I had to release my frustration! But instead of feeling like I was going to burst with bubbling daggers of disappointment, I felt peace. If I had thrown those completely irrational and extremely hurtful stones at my husband about a very materialistic 'problem', what would I have gained? Pride? A brief moment of "I'm better than you"? Division? Anger release? What would I gain from those things? Nothing. Emptiness. Hurt.
Not only did the Holy Spirit tell me to keep my mouth shut and allow me to keep my mouth shut, the Spirit opened my eyes to all the selfless things my husband has been doing for me lately. He gave me a foot rub yesterday even though it's not his favorite (really, who actually likes to do that?), he bought me my first Disney movie for our future collection, he picked me up at work, he fixed my car, he waited for me at my eye doctor appointment. This list started running through my head. I couldn't believe there is something better that comes from keeping my mouth shut! Blessings flow from that fountain of extending grace.
Pray. Pray for the Spirit to allow you to extend grace in that moment of explosion. And just see what happens.
"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do......But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentlenes,s, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." Galatians 5:16-17; 22-24
